Marriage
So when are you getting married? That is a bad conversation opener. And also, of late, a question I frequently get assaulted with.
That opening line has been a precursor to many ridiculous conversations I have had with family and friends. When arguments are illogical and bordering on paranoid, there is little one can contribute.
The newly weds, I have noticed, are the biggest proponents of marriage, closely followed by parents of the newly weds. Strangely enough people who are stuck in abusive marriages are more vehement in their arguments in favour of me getting married.
Here are some sample arguments I have heard this year on why I should get married now :–
“Why not?”
“Everyone else your age has got married. Niki is your age and he even has a 6 month old child”
“Soon you will be too old and no one will marry you”
“Your mother is getting old and she wants to see you married. Why are you troubling her like this in her oldage?”
“Marry now so you can get a young woman who will be more fertile. Women after 28 cannot have healthy babies”
“What are you waiting for?”
“If you don’t marry now when you get old there will be no one to look after you. You will die alone.”
I am not against marriage, but I am against the mindless follow-the-herd-mentality which doesn’t question the NEED to get married. I am against the automatic knee-jerk response towards marriage that late 20s bring in many of us Indians.
I spent my early 20s thinking I was in love. I am older now and looking back I realize what I felt for her was not love. It was just a physical attraction that got combined with my strong need to be with someone. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and wanted a woman to make me feel complete.
I now know that a woman won't make me feel complete. Money won't make me feel complete. Drugs won't. A great career won't. Comforts won't. Friends won't. Nothing can ever make me feel complete, except myself.
So the only reason I will ever marry is because I found someone whom I can grow with and want to be with that person for the rest of my life. I haven’t found someone like that in nearly 30 years on this planet. Perhaps the next 30 might prove more propitious. Then again, perhaps it may not.
I think a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons. Speaking for myself, I know I will not marry because I am afraid to grow alone. I will not marry because I feel I have to. I will not marry out fear of not finding anyone later on in life. I will not marry because the rest of my friends are. I will not marry for the sake of getting married.
I think society conditions us to feel that we HAVE to get married. I suspect the truth to be otherwise.
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